Ask Elle

Dear Elle,

I keep hearing people say, “When it’s true love you’ll know” but that seems pretty simplistic and idiotic when these same “knowing” geniuses get divorced, get cheated on or are lied to by those who claim to love them.  So, my question is this: is “true love” a myth or is it real and are human beings really designed to stay in love and remain faithful?

Sincerely,

Love Realist

Okay Realist, someone ripped your heart out, threw it on the ground and then stomped on it didn’t they? Just a guess but I’m thinking I may be right so this is what I have for you.  The words “true” and “love” are simple, non-threatening words but it’s the feeling behind them, when they are combined, that scare the hell out of people and allow doubt to creep in.  You seem to be putting more stock in the words and the fairy tale connotation society and the media has placed on them than the actual reality that staying in love takes work. Most healthy and mature couples find ways to work and grow together and this is the real sign of authentic love rather than some stylized notion of hearts and flowers and undying passion with daily fireworks.

You may feel let down because you bought into the fairy tale and greedily drank it in like a big cup of sucker flavored Kool-Aid but all is not doom and gloom.  When it comes to creating a meaningful connection with another human being the tales of high divorce rates, infidelity and falling out of love are always louder than the examples of couples that happily and willingly stay together for 50 years or more. And, of course the last thing we want to hear about are the disgusting stories of lovey-dovey couples when we are feeling unlucky in love ourselves!

There are many reasons why certain relationships fall apart but in many instances people just simply grow apart and change as individuals. In short; the puzzle pieces don’t fit any more and attempting to pound a square into a slot meant for a newly formed triangle only creates a toxic environment in which two people circle around each other in resentment. Having said that, wouldn’t it be a truer act of love, in the full sense of the word, to release one another and move on to love again? Changing the way you look at love can change the way you experience it as well and whether you call it true, real, or authentic, love is all encompassing and infinite. In other words…true love doesn’t equate with “only” love.  

 So, Love Realist, just for shits and grins let’s take a peek around at all the ways the world expresses love:  many people devote time and their hearts as human or animal rights activists, volunteers, mentors, parents, grandparents and so on. See where I’m going here?  Each is a “true” example of love in an unconditional and giving nature and when you view it that way the perceived myth disappears and all that is evident is LOVE.  Are humans capable of staying in love? Well, yes, if you look at the bigger picture. Your parents still love you right? So, how about broadening your scope and seeing the world around you as one big experiment in true love, one that can be empirically proven everyday instead of only seeing heartache through the narrow blinders of negativity?

Now, it’s your turn readers.  What’s your opinion of true love?