If You Keep Doing What You’ve Always Done…

Well this week wasn’t much better. Spring is coming so why is everyone so miserable?! I did have a job interview which I have a really good feeling about so here’s hoping. A few people asked me what I was doing to help me mood. Just because other people are miserable doesn’t mean I have to let it affect everything in my life. I know this, but I always take things personally, I always have.

As quoted by W.L. Bateman, “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.” So what am I doing? I always spend time around the same people and places. When I can’t deal with that anymore I withdraw into myself and my home and become a hermit crab, emphasis on the crab if you ask my family. Eventually I go back to the same crowd and same places. Truthfully there are only a couple people that I really wish to keep in contact with (love you Jenika!).

So this week I took a leap and started to immerse myself into other worlds. One would be my hopeful job. The other is my local community which includes the local music and art scene. This is not my usual scene or people. Guess what? They are FRICKEN AWESOME! I admit I still need to unpeel many of my onion layers (thanks Shrek for that analogy), but this may be exactly what I needed. They look at the world in a totally different light. They see the best in the community and want to make changes and improvements. The “normal” groups I associated with always saw the negative. So that always left me as the one trying to make a difference while everyone around me bitched and moaned but didn’t do or suggest anything to fix the issues.

And this new scene trusts me! They love my ideas and welcome my suggestions. Unbelievable to me because my ideas and suggestions were always shot down or just flat out ignored by people who should have welcomed them.

So to those of you who feel like they are at a dead end in your life……do a u turn and go down a different street. Change your job. Follow your goals and dreams, even if it’s one tiny step at a time. Think outside of the normal group/community that you are in. Change your scenery! Stop letting those downers that surround you keep you down. It’s going to be a shaky unfamiliar road but I can’t wait to work through the bumps and winding curves.

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The health situation

I was trying to decide if I wanted to post this because it’s kind of personal but I mean…

Really now, I’ve been posting every single thing that’s happened to me for the past, oh, 8 years on this site, might as well share the bad news too.

So last week I posted The Lowdown, if you haven’t read it, go for it. I’ll wait.

No, seriously, I’ll wait.

Done yet?

Ok, now onto the bad news.

In order to cover all the bases, my doctor referred me to an Orthopedic surgeon, my gyno (didn’t realize I was late on my period), and to get blood work done.

So far I was only able to do two out of three, but even though I haven’t been seen for my actual back yet, I’ve gotten some shitty news:

Bloodwork showed that my liver is pretty much failing. Apparently it’s a genetic thing and I’ve been tested before for it and it didn’t really come back horrible… But now it has. So, now I get to go see someone else for that.

Gyno told me I have a cyst on my left ovary and it will have to be removed.

Awesome.

So, I get really crappy news and I can’t even find out what’s wrong with my fucking back yet!

FANTASTIC

I think I’ll put my scans on the site once I can scan them :)

At this point in my life, I’m so full of painkillers that I don’t even care.

I’m going back to bed now, hopefully you all can enjoy this nice day.

all for now

peace

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Movie Review: Rampart

Cinema has always had a rich history of corrupt and dirty cops from Orson Welles’ Hank Quinlan in “Touch of Evil” through to a highly memorable performance by Gary Oldman as the pill popping DEA agent Stansfield in “Leon” and now Woody Harrelson throws his hat into the ring, as he brings us Dave “Date Rape”Brown, the drug taking, sexist dinosaur of the LAPD.

Set in 1999 were the LAPD is still trying to mend a heavily tarnished reputation in the midst of the fallout from the Rampart Scandal, were over 70 police officers were implicated in some form or another of misconduct including three LAPD officers who were found to be on the payroll of hip-hop modul Marion “Suge” Knight the head of “Death Row Records”, who himself was alleged to be involved in the murder of Notorious B.I.G. something which would later become the key subject of Nick Broomfield’s fantastic “Biggie and Tupac” documentary.

Needless to say Brown is seemingly the one officer they missed, as he rests upon 24 years of questionable glories with the force, happily peddling his made up law cases to argue his point, with his actions always of the opinion that the end justifies the means. Still thanks to delivering a Rodney King style beat down in public view following a minor collision, the aftermath of the incident suddenly threatens to tear his world apart, as he now finds himself not only the focus of his superiors and the local politicians eager to avoid yet another scandal, let alone one which can be viewed as racial discrimination. Meanwhile Brown soon finds his every move under the scrutiny of internal affairs.

After directing Harrelson to an Oscar nomination with “The Messengers” it was really only a matter of time before Director Oren Moverman teamed up with Harrelson again, as he once again pulls out another great performance, from a man better known for his comedic performance than his more serious ones. Still  here Harrelson proves once more that he is more than capable of pulling off more serious roles as he is highly believable here as Brown, a man who thinks nothing of sponging off the charity of his sympathetic ex wives (who are even more bizarrely sisters to boot), while spending his evenings cruising for (nausea inducing for the audience) casual sex and popping pills, while constantly fighting his own demons which constantly threaten to consume him, while his day to day life appears to be nothing more than a well rehearsed performance, especially with his eldest daughter refusing to even acknowledge him as her father.

Sadly this character here has been seen far too many times before to prove effective with the usual shock tactics on offer here, especially with little in the way of a memorable edge, while even more crucially when this sort of splintered character has just been done a lot better in the likes of the aforementioned “Leon” as well as Harvey Keitel’s highly memorable performance as The Lieutenant in “Bad Lieutenant”, meaning that for all of the rule breaking that we see Brown performing, it can’t but have an overwhelming feeling of Déjà Vu, something not even prevented with legendry crime writer James Ellroy co writing the script. However considering that Ellroy also worked on the scripts for both “Dark Blue” and “Street Kings” it’s safe to say that his ability as a fiction writer does not carry across to his ability as a screenwriter, especially with his strongest film “LA Confidential” being adapted straight from his book, without any involvement from Ellroy himself.

While undoubtedly this is Harrelson’s movie, he still receives some fantastic support from the likes of Anne Heche and Cynthia Nixon who continues to carve out a career for herself playing fascinating and frequently explosive  characters, with her role here as Barbara, the more stronger willed of the two sisters providing the much needed counterpart to Brown’s manipulating ways. Moverman also reunites Harrelson with his co-star from “The Messengers” Ben Foster, who is once again on great form here as a homeless veteran, while he continues to maintain great screen chemistry with Harrelson with the scenes between their characters being amongst the strongest. More frustrating is the likes of Steve Buscemi and Sigourney Weaver who are given glorified yet memorable cameo appearances which only makes it more frustrating that they are not used more and instead left to become yet another random plot strand.

It’s worth noting that although the film is called “Rampart” it has nothing to do with the Rampart scandal, which you can’t help but feel would have made a more interesting movie than this turned out to be, especially with plot lines being frequently started, but rarely brought to any form of satisfactory conclusion, as they frequently seem to be added purely for the purpose of padding out what already feels like a drawn out running time, let alone the fact that Director Moverman seemingly could find no way of making the central story gripping enough to be the sole focus, without feeling the need of adding additional schemes for Brown to be caught up in or when this fails making questionable attempts to dissect his character. Needless to say I frequently found my mind wondering else were and in particular trying to work out how much longer it had to run, especially when this kind of story has been done before and better on “The Shield” which Moverman has seemingly taken his shooting style from with the frequent use of documentary style shaky cameras and frequent static shots behind the heads of characters.

From the opening fifteen minutes I honestly thought I was going to love this movie, though sadly seeing how it continued past that point and I frequently found instead the whole experience to be increasingly tedious, especially when it finds itself with no real link to its namesake scandal. Meanwhile for all the posturing and foul language that Harrelson can muster, it’s not enough to make the film standout as anything regarding memorable, especially when it’s antihero is as unlikable as he is, it only makes the fact that we have to spend the whole film with him frequently verges on being unbearable and I would much rather have dug out “Bad Lieutenant” again than sat though this overblown mess of a film, which ultimately proved to be one of the first big disappointments of 2012.

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March Radness

I don’t have much to write about at this point – well, I moved, I got some super exciting news the other day, and yesterday was a particularly awesome day, but I’m at MARCH RADNESS!  So I’m about to leave my super cute hotel (Essex Manor in LA.  My room is basically a little studio apartment, kitchen and all.  It’s the Marilyn Monroe room so the blankets, etc are red with beige accents, and there’s pictures of Marilyn all over.  The bathroom has black and white tile floor, the bed has a tempurpedic mattress, and I believe the futon is tempurpedic as well.  Super cute, and I really suggest it if you’re coming to L.A.  Not expensive at all!) in search of breakfast (remember, leaving the super cute hotel room).  Then it’s off for skating.  There’s one class I might watch at about 10, but the first class I’ll be taking isn’t til 11:30, so I have some time to kill.  Also it’s with Bonnie Thunders and OMG WTF.  That’s right, Bonnie Thunders and OMG WTF.  I’m in heaven.

Gonna go be there now.  Hope you all have a lovely week and I’m sure I’ll have a ton to report next week!

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Are you truly committed or “just” dating?

The answer to this relationship question obviously depends on where you’re at in life. Teenagers may see holding hands and kissing for the first time as a precursor to a potential life-long commitment. Those in their 20’s could think that being “exclusive” sexually is the signal that marriage or a committed partnership is next but once the 30’s and beyond hit, commitment takes on an entirely different connotation. During this time the definition gets a little unclear because the idea of staying in love forever got pissed on long ago unfortunately.

Dating when you are fresh and new, like a cute fuzzy peach is exciting! You have the whole world ahead of you and can write your future anyway you like because the doors are wide open and no one is standing in your way. At least this is how I see it yet; the young of today fail to take advantage of the amazing gift of time they are given. Life is a long process, slow down, say no or not right now more often because you have the luxury. I look back and think, “Damn! If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have made that stupid mistake” but, I thought the offer was a take it immediately proposition and took the leap off that cliff anyway. Write this bit of advice down kids….NEVER allow anyone to rush you!

We‘ve all had those “do over” dreams in which we boldly jump up and say all the things we wish we had said prior to the downfall of certain past loves; even if it’s only to get in a biting comment like: “I wish I had passed you by.” Wouldn’t the smarter thing to do involve learning exactly what it is the other person wanted (or didn’t want) from us first so the unresolved regret doesn’t have to play over and over in our dreams? To live life purposely and thoughtfully in the here and now should be an ultimate goal because dreams that ruminate over and circle around mistakes are tiresome. Seeing that,when you are older, is always easier though and insight isn’t a strong point of the young.

Can I start again please?

The funny thing with this topic is that it would be assumed that only the young worry about whether he or she is in love and committed long-term but that truly isn’t the case. Take this scenario for instance:

“I’m a 40-something woman who is recently divorced with children. I think back one my younger days and not once did I envision being single again now let alone trying to date at my age. Who wants to date an older woman with kids and an ex? I have actually heard this! The whole thing just feels off, like society is telling me I’m an oddity and I’m being judged by not only my failed relationships but I’m also being handled differently by the people I choose to date because of their failed relationships. They compare me to their exes and that is crap! It feels like I’m stuck in “this is my friend” land and will never be allowed back onto the Isle of Committed Couples whether that means getting married again or just shacking up. The rules have changed for me and even though my marriage was difficult I’d at least like to be considered as potential committed relationship material because I’m open to it and whether it’s of the “legal” variety or not doesn’t matter.”

 

How do you know what commitment really means anymore to someone who has experienced divorce or a long progression of bad relationships? It could mean emotional pain, rejection or the loss of financial security due to legal fees or a decrease in household income. All of this adds up to FEAR of change. Even in bad relationships people get used to the status quo no matter how crummy and no matter how illogical it seems when it’s taken away people feel naked and vulnerable. If it’s taken away enough times then the heart becomes jaded and people fall into a phase where they think, “If I don’t mention FOREVER then things can just go on like this and everything will be fine.” That may work for the most fearful person in the relationship but what about the one that is actually ready for the next step? This doesn’t have to mean moving in together, merging bank accounts or even putting them in your will but it should mean you at least talk about it. Being in step, walking side by side, feels much better than always wondering where you rank in a relationship. When in doubt, talk it out!

For whatever reason we live in a world where people actually believe that if you cover your ears and refuse to listen to something then it never happened. In situations when one person feels unheard, resentment builds and the relationship starts to die. Is it the true intention on the part of the perpetual commitment phobe to limit how much they give? Maybe, and if this is your situation and you feel as if you are receiving less than what you give it may be time to re-evaluate what kind of relationship you have. Are you in a “just” relationship? Just friends? Just hanging out? Just fooling around? Just hooking up? It sounds not at all just when you step back to really look at what you’re getting…or not. And, so we are clear on this: I am not talking about the PUTTING A RING ON IT drama here. I’m talking about figuring out what works for both of you rather than one settling for always getting the smallest slice of pie in the relationship. It’s about caring, sharing and being honest.

Life seems endless to the young and when you are older is seems short yet those with less time on the clock act as if they have the most to lose in relationships but do they really? Is it money and possessions we are talking about here or is it freedom and control of your sacred personal space? I can understand why the act of getting married again or having a commitment ceremony may seem redundant at a certain point in time but what if verbally committing to do your best to love someone though the good and the bad was viewed as just as important and clearing up legal technicalities could be placed back in the realm of business where it belongs? Being committed is about speaking your intentions to the one you want to build a life with no matter how short and not about society pushing you to be conventional yet some people rail on the societal aspect, losing sight of the love they felt to begin with. Focus on love, talk to one another and if you want to get “connected” do it, legally, emotionally, via tattoo, wearing matching blood vials, however it feels right for both. JUST please, be clear about what you are doing and never, never, leave anyone guessing because young or old love is what matters most not a ring or title or piece of paper or tax status.

Now, get out there and LOVE people and quit sweating the small stuff.

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Cinema Obscura: The Calamari Wrestler

Cinema Obscura – a weekly trek through the darker and frequently more random and forgotten regions of Cult, Foreign and Obsure cinema and pretty much everything in between. Each week highlighting a film worth hunting down, for those who like to wander away from the more traveled roads of Mainstream cinema

This week I decided to go for something really random and fun for this latest “Cinema Obscura” entry, as this film not only combines my love of Wrestling and Kaiju (men in giant monster suits) style brawls, but it is pretty much one of the most random movies I have ever seen!

Lets start with the plot in which the wrestler Koji Taguchi (Akira) After winning the championship title in hard fought match Koji  is shocked to suddenly have the belt snatched from him, by a giant squid who it turns out is the reincarnated former wrestling legend Kanichi Iwata (Osamu Nishimura), who was also formerly dating Koji’s fiancé Miyako (Kana Ishida). Kanichi now in his squid form is now faced with the battle to regain the respect he earned in the ring, while facing a series of increasingly bizarre opponents.

baring all the trademarks of director Minoru Kawasaki who for some reason loves to have his main characters portrayed by giant creatures, with this film being his first big hit, it helped lay the foundations for the equally insane follow up’s “Kabuto-O Beetle” and “Crab Goalkeeper” . Due to this highly unique style of film making, it’s almost impossible to look at this film in any sort of logical terms, seeing how it defies any kind of normal logic and is the kind of film, that could truly only have been made in Japan, especially as under any other studio system it would have been churned out as a high camp romp, while Kawasaki instead chooses to play it almost straight-faced, almost as if it is no big deal to have a giant squid wrestler, let alone the giant Octopus and stag beetle fighters he introduces later and even more amazingly he somehow manages to make it work, even though he never bothers to explain properly how Kanichi ended up becoming a squid in the first place, especially when Koji shows up to their showdown having turned into a red Octopus, adding to the undertones of Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis” which runs throughout, though saying that certainly don’t expect anything too deep from this movie, especially with it’s cheesy effects and Godzilla style brawls, it is only all the more surprising that links “Kaiju Big Battel” haven’t been made, as essentially this is just their antics put on film, which for those of you not familiar with their Kaiju style wrestling shows, here is a quick taster.

Once you get past the fact that your watching a film about a giant wrestling squid, there is still a lot to enjoy here, as Kawasaki makes it more about wacky brawls and even works the love triangle between the Kanichi and his former girlfriend Miyako and her fiancé and Kanichi’s rival Koji, which not only seems plausible (somehow, though still not sure how) but also says all kinds of things about Miyako, who apparently has no problem with her former lover now being a giant squid, but instead seems more about how he will support her financially, especially when combined with the numerous flashes of a naked Miyako frolicking with the Squid form of Kanichi, but hey whatever works for you right?
Still it’s not all random brawls and questionable romances, as Kawasaki includes many simple and effective sequences, such as Calamari meditating, going shopping and generally being a hero of the local towns folk, as his popularity only continues to grow, with these scenes only adding to the human element of the film and despite the fact that he’s a giant squid you still can’t help but feel for his plight, which certainly isn’t the easiest thing to portray, when the costume only allows the minimum amount of movement and an expressionless face, but certainly something that Kawasaki is no stranger to, having started out directing episodes of “Ultraman Tiga” and it’s these early years of his career which really come into play here, as he uses all the tricks he learned there to great effect here, as he sets out to create his own set of equally memorable characters.
Despite some solid strong style wrestling sequences which open the film, Kawasaki soon trades these for wacky oversized creature smack downs, heavily reminisant of Godzilla movies, only on a slightly less city destroying scale and despite having the hindrance of some extremely rubbery costumes, he still manages to make these fight sequences highly entertaining if at the same time an acquired taste, as those of you who are not fans of the brawls seen in the Godzilla films, will no doubt find yourselves more irritated than amused, but then you will no have no have tuned out by the time the first of these truly random scenes appears. Still despite this you can still feel the love which Kawasaki has for wrestling, while giving nods to the frequently ludicrous and exaggerated nature of the sport.
This film is really a reminder of how fun and imaginative Asian cinema can be, especially when you start looking outside of the main releases and instead look at the ones which fall outside of the popular genres and directors. So if your looking for something truly random, then this film certainly fits the bill, while providing more than a few laughs without overstaying it’s welcome with a tight running time, while for those of you still wanting more, I’d highly recommend “Kabuto-O Beetle” for even more wrestling madness.

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Week From Hell

This past week has been a week from hell. Monday my boss decided to corner me about another co-workers behavior and “asking my opinion”. Tuesday she talks to said co-worker and states “Caitlin said…”,which consisted of things I did NOT say! Wednesday the ex husband starts his crap again. By Thursday I was so stressed I could barely breathe. Come Friday I called into work and didn’t get out of my pajamas. Was supposed to do the Heart Run & Walk on Saturday morning, but because of a combination of stress and a non sleeping baby I hadn’t slept all week and was feeling ill so I again stayed in my pjs.

So my only advice on civility I have this week is something that has been around for many many years. “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Hopefully this week goes better so next posting I don’t feel like killing someone and have something civil to say!

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