Tag Archives: lucyindaskywithdiamonds

its over

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So I guess thats it.

hemmingway, here i come…

i’m going to go sleep for a few hours and maybe when i wake up i’ll be back in florida with this awesome girl that loved me and wanted to spend her life with me. i’d be able to hop in the car and go lay on the beach. why did i leave florida… i’m so stupid

i should never have loved you so much. i should never have kissed you with my eyes closed. i should never have thought about being with you forever. i should have never run away with you. i should have never found salvation in you. i should have never let you hold me. i should never have kissed you.

whats the point of it all now?

its just memories hauting me. making me cry harder and harder. this happens all the time with me i guess. someone makes me fall for them, and then decides i’m not good enough and leaves me.

i wont let myself hate you.

all for now

peace

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I don’t know

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This is a repost because whatever happened last night and my blog didn’t get posted. So since I have a lot more to grip about today, fuck you all, you’re reading it.

My life sucks. Completely and utterly worse then its ever been. I was so happy with my life for a long time there. Everything was good, positive outlook on everything, no worries. Then the storm hit.

This little whirlwind expierience is now ended and I feel like I am worse off then when I started. When I started, I was completely suicidal and I held contempt for anyone and everyone. Then I met someone that helped me out of it all. Now, that someone doesn’t want me anymore and now i’m stuck.

What do I do exactly? Start over again? I tried that. Move? Tried that too. People have this really good intent on coming into your life and fucking with your head as much as possible and then bouncing when they can’t handle things. I’m so far gone right now I don’t even care.

Its funny, you think the one thing that solves your lifes problems will be with you forever. That movie is totally over, the credits are rolling, the power ballad is blasting and no one cares. Everyone left the theatre already…. so its just me and the screen and what do I do.

I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.

I dont know.

I was so comfortable in my happy little existence. Now its all gone and i’m alone.

I hate my life and I dont ever see it being any different. I lost the people that I truly needed and for most of them there is no way of getting them back. People die, people leave, people dont show up. I’m stuck alone sitting in an apartment waiting for someone to help me and its not going to happen.

And, honestly, all I was complaining about last night was the fact that I didn’t have enough money to buy new fairings for my motorcycle. I guess my life has been revolving around that bike since I got it… all i wanna do is play with it… i’m like a kid in a toy store… its rough.

So I dunno. I’m back to being alone again… maybe I should just never date anyone ever again. I’ll be like Hemmingway… except with all the hunting crap.

i’m going to eds because i know someone will make me laugh… no one else can… my life sucks

all for now

peace

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Something takes a part of me

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Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Something’s raped and taken from me… from me.

Life’s got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light)
Can’t they chill and let me be free? (So do I)
Can’t I take away all this pain. (You wanna see the light)
I try to every night, all in vain… in vain.

Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it’s my life I can’t taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You’ll never see fall from grace

Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay. (I’d cheat but for me to lay ?)
Something takes a part of me.

Feeling like a freak on a leash. (You wanna see the light)
Feeling like I have no release. (So do I)
How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna see the light)
Nothing in my life is free… is free

Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it’s my life I can’t taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You’ll never see fall from grace

So…fight! something on the…
Fight…some things they fight
So…something on the…
Fight…some things they fight
Fight…something of the
No…some things they fight
Fight…something of the…
Fight…some things they fight

all for now

peace

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bed…

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The worst thing in the world is being used to sleeping in a bed with another person and then sleeping alone…. its very hard to get comfortable in the middle… i’d rather sleep curled up, trying hard to keep warm because the other person is sprawled all out with all the covers wrapped around them, then alone in the middle…

all alone…

all for now

peace

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8am rant today..

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So since I was so tired last night and didn’t blog, I’m doing it now because if I dont then I’ll be upset at work today, and I can’t be because I have to stay late.

  1. I wish certain people would stop with the ballooning… Meaning, I’m up in the air, floating away, and they aren’t sure if they want to grab my string and pull me back down or not. I wish people could just make up their minds about me and stop with the Limbo. I dont understand why relationships are so complicated. Is it, honestly, so wrong to want people to fight for you.
  2. I got the bike the other day. i’m so excited to start working on it. I have a few ideas but then I’ll get home and go play with it for a bit and then feel like, we’ll now I have all these other design ideas. I know its going to be light blue and white, I just am not completely sure how to throw that all in. Its a fun project already

I was talking to someone the other day and they kept refering to me as “lost.” “You’re very lost right now” “Don’t get lost in all of this” I got really annoying and I became irate and was screaming at the walls when I got home. I’m not lost, but I feel like every year I go through this. Something happens in a relationship and then I’m kept in the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” table (its next to the kids table at thanksgiving, its something that you have to do, but hopefully not forever). I want everyone that is doing this to me to just make up their minds, and I’ll be able to deal with the good or the bad. No joke, i’d LOVE the good, but I’m willing to take the bad right now just so I can stop being sick all the time and just deal with it. Whatever it is.

Dont get me wrong here, I’m so committed to helping people in my life that i’ve been sick for three weeks. Someone told me last night that I was looking very thin… yea, well thats because I am not eating right and when I do I throw up because of all of this hardcore emotion that I’m not capable of dealing with lightly.

I hate making blogs like this, because now I’m late for work, and I’m stressed out because all of this venting didn’t help.

So I guess what I’m saying is I really need a friend. I need someone to talk to right now that will just tell me what to do and it will be the right thing. I’m so stressed out over this whole situation and I HAVE NO CONTROL over anything.

And I’m sure that all those promises I heard once were just lies. Most things in my life are wrong and I give up trying to fix them.

Sometimes you run into people and they just fuck you up for no reason, and then run away. I give up. I give up

all for now

peace

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i can’t be wrong, i was wrong before….

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I wanted to be right to change
a common situation
that always seems to happen to me.
But then I gave into the way
of common desperation and
dedicated time to find the weakness in me.

The freedom to react
and attack when I’m defensive
My decision, a solid metal rock wall
extented inside of every argument
created by the differences between
the way I think and the way
that the world is doin’ it.

The world can be wrong today for once.
You’ll have to be wrong today for once.
I can’t be wrong, I was wrong before.

Didn’t know a lot about what
I had to do about changing my way of thinking
So I blend instead of being separate
Things don’t always have to go my way
But this always being wrong is driving me crazy.

Where’s the American Dream guarantee
if I do it-exactly-your-way?
I’ve seen your followers fall
You leave them behind
I’m not letting the same thing happen to me
No!

The world can be wrong today for once.
You’ll have to be wrong today for once.
I can’t be wrong, I was wrong before.

Here we go!
One to one
pointed at the one
Looking for the meaning in a shotgun blast.
Attic to the things they left upstairs
Dated ideas with an animal’s care
The pack is circling. The pack is circling.

Here we go!
One to one pointed at the ignorant
judgmental, think you know everything.
There is to know about everything.
You want to be king without responsibility.
The pack is circling. Woah, the pack is circling!

The world can be wrong today for once.
You’ll have to be wrong today for once.
I can’t be wrong, I was wrong, woah!

The world can be wrong today for once.
You’ll have to be wrong today for once.
I can’t be wrong, I was wrong before.

One to one pointed at the one.
Looking for the meaning in a shotgun blast.
One to one pointed at the ignorant
judgmental, think you know everything

all for now

peace

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the poet… oh great…

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So I wrote this the other night and I guess its kinda stupid but fuck off I dont care what you think

And she said
Baby, its ok
And she said
Baby, don’t be ashamed

And she left me
left me all alone
waiting
watching the years go by

She calls one day
“Did I leave something there?”
“Yes” I scream
“you left me all alone”

She doesn’t care
she never did
Whats the point of it all?
whats the point?

The begging and pleading
from everywhere around
I can’t control what happens
I’m gonna fall down

I’ve been lost for so long
and you came and made me see
now, i’m getting lost again
and you leave me

i’m lost
i’m scared
i’m back where i was
but now, i know
that you’re gone

and i’m alone again
i see it
dont let me
dont leave

all for now

peace

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