Guest Post: Men vs Women – Who are the better drivers?
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Desolation
Does everyone remember the cop? I sure as hell do. She damn near destroyed me with scars.
But go into the archives for a few and read about her and what she did.
Done?
Ok.
I didn’t realize how messed up that whole situation, and basically any situation that I’ve been through, has really left me scarred.
I think that’s why I’m doing everything all at once, I’m way too scarred.
I’ve been carrying a lot around me, pretending to be happy.
I love K. Hands down, would spent the rest of my life with her. That’s just how I feel.
But the fact that she’s disappeared on me, circa what the cop did, I really don’t know what to think.
I’m terrified of being alone again. But if that’s the case and she pops up and gives me some story, I don’t know…
I know that the plan I set up last week with my new therapist is what I’m going to go through with.
No matter how much work it takes, I’m doing that.
I’m trying to decide if I want to put up conversations that I’ve had recently with people who offered some sense of closure but honestly, what was said was said… and that’s about all I can do with the information.
That and move on.
I want to have someone have so much passion for me that they can’t contain it.
At one point in our relationship, that was K. But I’m honestly not sure what she’s thinking lately or what she wants from me.
She probably just wanted to see if we could make it work and that’s why she came back. I just..
I used to be so sure that she was in love with me. I could see it in her eyes.
Now we are both so guarded that neither one of us wants to let the other in.
And really, what’s the point of a passionless relationship?
Don’t get me wrong, I look at her and I can’t help ripping her clothes off. (To that sentence, if she was actually reading this, her face would get bright red because she would get embarrassed that I said it.) It’s true.
I just want to be sure she’s in my life when she’s in my life.
The fact that just pulled an ACM (aka, the cop) on me and it’s left me totally confused and hurt… I just have to think, “is this it?”
“Is this really how it will be with the person I spend my life with?”
Stupid me, and I still wanna wake up and have her arms around me.
But I doubt that will happen again.
I doubt that I will be that comfortable with her (or anyone) right away.
I want to be included in someone’s life, not compartmentalized like a task.
Maybe we can get that back. Maybe it’s gone and I move on.
Either way, I’m not going to let anything break me down like that again. Ever.
all for now
peace
Welp, that was a waste
Guess what I just did?
I spent three hours prepping my apartment to surprise K with a romantic night.
Made dinner, got flowers and candles…
She hasn’t spoken to me since I quit my job the other night. So this was my “it’ll be ok” dinner.
Found out she went out last night and had not only zero intention of including me, but spent it with this girl.
Sooooo…
Awesome.
Things just keep getting better and better.
all for now
peace
Movie Review: Act of Valor
While movies based on computer games are usually viewed as being trash even before they have been released, this film comes across almost like a video game movie in disguise, for anyone who wanted to see a film version of “Call of Duty” might have found their prayers answered with this movie, as it is essentially just that!
Originally intended as a training / recruitment film it has since evolved into the feature length action thriller we have here, as directors Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh use real active duty Navy SEALs, rather than actors to portray SEAL Team Seven whom the film follows as they work or should I say blast their way through two scenarios, with the first seeing them rescuing a kidnapped CIA operative Morales (Roselyn Sanchez) taken on the orders of the drug smuggler Christo (Alex Veadov) and the second regarding Chechen terrorists lead by the fanatical Abu Shabal (Jason Cottle) trying to smuggle undetectable suicide vests into the United States and who may also share a link with Christo.
Due to the fact that the main roles are all played by Active SEAL’s, meaning that none of their names are revealed, it certainly makes it far from the easiest film to review, but it’s fair to say that when it comes to dramatic acting it’s also a mixed bag which we receive from the SEAL’s but then I don’t think dramatic acting is part of their training. Needless to say though when it comes to making things go boom or anything regarding normal procedural drills, it’s clear what they have been trained to do well.
Plotting wise it’s hardly the heaviest thinking film, especially when it’s moment of plotting are either relating to their families back home or more procedural talk as they plot out their missions, tossing around enough military slang and jargon to put Tom Clancy (who unsurprisingly has shown his full support for this film) to shame, while conveniently always heading into situations which allow them to showcase as much military hardware as possible.
Meanwhile the film doesn’t worry itself with heavy questions, concerning the complexities and morality of war, as the line between good and evil is not so much clear cut but a thick boundary line between the two as the bad guys are hideously evil and without remorse, whether using an ice cream truck to blow up a packed school yard or Christo’s head torturer introducing Morales to his unconventional use for a power drill, there is no confusion on who we should root for, especially with the SEAL team being shown as a close knit family, who all have stable family lives back home and live to fight the war against terror, as a slightly pretentious voice over from Chief Petty Officer Dave reading off a letter his has wrote to the son of a fellow SEAL, appear sporadically throughout to drive home this point as he frequently refers to the values of heroism, bravery and the SEAL code of honour. Still thanks to this voice over, it doesn’t exactly take a genius to realise that at least one of these boys isn’t going to be making it to the end credits.
The dialogue while aiming for rousing remains largely clunky, frequently getting bogged down in jargon, while the lack of acting ability on offer frequently only makes it seem more cliché or knuckle dragging, rather than helping the audience bond with these characters, which ultimately proves detrimental to the film as with no bond to these characters they ultimately become faceless once the action starts and inturn provides no emotional response when the team loses one of their members, even during one scene involving one of them throwing himself on a grenade to save his fellow SEAL’s.
Needless to say the action scenes are what save this movie, as the SEAL’s demonstrate what they do best, from breathtaking HALO jumps to bullet riddled shootouts and exciting car chases, the film makers certainly making sure they get enough bang for their buck, with the camera quickly switching angles and frequently moving to a first person perspective thanks to helmet mounted camera’s and adding that familiar feel of “Call of Duty” to these scenes. It goes without question that the decision to use real SEAL’s really pays off during these scenes, as watching the footage it soon becomes clear that actors could not have been trained to pull off these sequences with the realism the film required, which clearly aims to show as much SEAL procedure as possible, especially with Navy training sites being also used to add to the realistic settings.
Ultimately the film would have best been marketed as “Call of Duty: The Movie” but in it’s current form, it comes with far to many expectations of being the serious film it isn’t and ultimately more of a popcorn action flick which tries to take itself too seriously and while the movie might be a lot of fun while things are either going boom, or while impressive hardware being showcased it is the parts in between and the feeling of being smothered with bravado and military ideology which detracts from the positive parts of the film and despite the changes this film has undergone in it’s production, it still remains a recruitment film at it’s heart, but one which atleast still gives you more than a few bangs for your buck.
Relieved
I slept ALL day.
I took a few phone calls randomly throughout the day, but for the greater portion of it, I slept.
I needed to sleep. It was helpful.
I’ve applied to every local gym that I can as well as other 9-5 jobs. I really don’t care what I get for the next few months, so long as it’s something that I can afford to pay rent and finish school with.
My boss never contacted me today. His boss called me once, emailed me twice. The bosses boss emailed me offering me a raise.
Honestly, we’re at the “too little too late” portion of the experience.
I’ve never left a job like that without warning.
I was just fed up and I couldn’t handle the garbage anymore.
There were so many more issues that I have dealt with that are unacceptable and I am considering contacting the family attorney in case anything comes of it.
The long and short of it is that it was an extremely hostile environment and I no longer felt comfortable working there.
Endofstory.
Moving on, I have two interviews set up next week and I’m possibly going to visit a friend next weekend.
Hopefully, everything will fall back into place with little disruption.
all for now
peace
Guest Post: Healthy Eyes in a Digital World
Sex Toy Review – Cush Dildo
Time to move the kids into another room, hide the computer screen from your parents and don’t let your significant other see your browser history… this is a sex toy review.
This is a no holds barred type of post, so if you aren’t comfortable reading it, then don’t continue reading.
The Job Resignation
So, I quit my job today.
Well, let me explain first before you flip out on me.
I’ve been working at a certain 24 hour fitness chain for over three years. When I started, they told me that working the night shift was temporary and I would be able to switch to daytime hours in 6 months.
Three years later, still working the same shift.
Then there is the night cleaner situation. Currently, the cleaner there is a very good kid and I wish him the best of luck. But they have put me with some really strange people. I’ve been sexually harassed, threatened and made to feel pretty fucking uncomfortable with them alone.
Then there’s the situation with the managers. I am not given a lot of work and it is fairly easy, so I can complete it very quickly and move onto the next thing. I’ve asked for more work continually over the years and they ignore me.
Then there’s my health. I have been suffering from some pretty painful procedures lately (which, if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep the specifics of this private) and I’m not allowed to lift anything heavy or bend and move a lot. It will make the condition worse. So I bring in not one doctors note, but two. What did they do with them? File them in a folder like an HR department would? Nope. They tossed them in the trash.
Then for some reason, this new manager was hired. He started off day one and has a problem with me. I have no idea why. So he continually makes my job harder and harder to the point of talking about me to other employees.
Who does that?
If you have a problem with the work that I’ve done or need me to do more, tell me about it. Don’t run around like a little high school kid and run your mouth.
I don’t even know if that’s legal.
To be continually treated like shit for being a dependable employee, never taking time off, always getting work done in a timely fashion and staying when other employees “sleep in” or “forget to set their alarm clock” seems to have bitten me in the ass.
Everyone else at that place has been given chance after chance and I get shit on.
Nope, that’s all for me folks.
I can only take so much before I buckle.
So I wrote a letter of resignation siting hostile work environment and emailed it to my “manager”, my district manager, the local owner and the corporate office to make sure that all the bases are covered.
I’ve been living to work for too long. I wanna just be happy in a career for once and not be stuck at some dead-end job that doesn’t respect me.
I’ve seen the managers treat everyone the same way. It doesn’t make it right, not at all.
I’m just done taking it and wiping my chin afterwards.
So hopefully I will get back on track and make some moves for me (for once in my life).
Wish me luck, I guess.
all for now
peace
Who do you want to be today?
Started an interesting almost conversation regarding our ability to change things about ourselves. Reader’s Digest version – the idea that we are just born certain ways and we can’t change that about ourselves was put out there.
Now physiologically, sans something like surgery, I agree with this. Psychologically, however, I do not. I think that I am able to change whatever I want to about my personality if I truly want to. I refuse to give up responsibility for myself to any power other than myself. I’ve had personality traits that were pointed out to me that I decided were negative. From this decision, I made the conscious decision to change them, and continue to make that decision every day.
There are personality traits I have that I love about myself that other people don’t like, but because I love them I am unwilling to change them; my sarcasm, my straight forwardness, my stubbornness, my honesty, my willingness to say that thing that someone may not want to hear, but needs to hear, and my willingness to stand up and say something when I disagree with certain actions. I try not to use them as a weapon, but there are still people that don’t have an appreciation for it. I try and ensure that when I am straight forward, I am so in a way that the person at the other end might be willing to hear it. I believe I have a responsibility to myself and others to be honest – not ‘brutally’ honest, as we so often hear, but usefully honest.
When it comes to traits I have that I don’t like – I change them. I work hard at it. I refuse to believe I can’t change them because 1. I get to choose who I am, not anyone else and 2. If you think you can’t change certain aspects of your personality, it’s too easy to dismiss your responsibility to be a good person. “I can’t quit being jealous, abusive, a liar, a jerk, lazy, self absorbed – I was just made that way”. These are, of course, extreme personality traits used to illustrate my point, but could just as easily be applied to indecisive, naïve, indifferent, sarcasm – those traits that aren’t as often thought about or could be construed as either positive or negative dependent on the situation.
I’m sarcastic. It is something that I enjoy about myself. I don’t want to do away with it all together, but I did have to learn to temper it. Is sarcasm appropriate in every situation? NO. I had to learn when and where to apply my sarcasm to not upset someone who might already be upset. I’m also introverted. I get stuck in my head pretty easily, and can get caught up thinking about completely ridiculous things. Can be a useful trait, unless someone is trying to communicate with you. If you’re too busy thinking about whatever, and you miss what you’re good friend is trying to convey, communicate, get off their chest? Well, people tend to not like it (and I can’t blame them). So I had to work on my active listening, being present when someone is trying to tell me something, and not tuning out.
One of the coolest things about humans is our ability to learn and adapt. Without it, well, we wouldn’t be alive. We no longer have to use this ability to simply stay alive, so we can turn it towards more philosophical pursuits.
I feel we have a responsibility to ourselves to be the best us that we can. Don’t dismiss things as “I was born that way”, decide who you want to be and find a way to be it. Is it hard work? Yes. Do we slip up? Yes. Do I still find it a worthwhile pursuit? Heck yes!
I don’t think personality traits are hard coded in us anymore than I believe astrology will tell me my future or dictates my personality. Again, I refuse to allow anything other than myself to be responsible for who I am, how I behave, and what I do.
This is simply my view on who and what we are. Not everyone will agree with me. It’s your choice to be whoever you want to be, and I totally respect that (as long as you allow me the same respect). It’s your choice to believe whatever you want to believe, and I have no issue with that. How boring would it be if we all were exactly alike?
And Martini Mama – though you said you want to debate this with me, I have a hard time believing based on your personality that you wouldn’t agree with my full assessment of the statement. 
. Still totally willing to have a debate-over-beers evening, though 
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Overlooked relationship warning signs: What are you missing?
All relationships have moments of bliss that can quickly shift to despair if not addressed but don’t fret; this is normal, believe it or not, and totally avoidable if you just follow a few simple tips. The first clue about relationship strife is always the one that people say they “never saw coming” but are you sure? Or, are you just horribly dense and unaware of the signs around you because you prefer to live in denial?
Signs most people ignore (but shouldn’t) at the beginning of a relationship:
1. “Baby, I think you are awesome just the way you are but, have you ever considered…?” This one is a sure-fire sign that they really DON’T accept you the way you are. It’s that little hint that they want you to do things their way, look the way they want you to look and do things the way they find comfortable no matter how long you have been doing things your way with no ill effects. I once had someone ask me to alter something about myself (we won’t get into what) and my first instinct was to inquire as to how they would feel if I asked them to lose about 50 pounds and then chop their head off because it just didn’t suit me. Needless to say, they are no longer in my life and no, I didn’t kill them but man, I thought about it ; )
2. “Uh, I paid for that.” Being tight with money or seeming to keep score about what is purchased or even how much was spent on whom may make them appear thrifty or wise with finances at first but, if they pull out a ledger book that has clearly defined “You” and “Me” columns then take that as a sign that “Us” will never be a true option because they will always be living in a “Mine” mindset whether you reside under the same roof or not. Keep your bank accounts separate and move along.
3. “And then I said…oh, wait were you trying to say something? No? Well, anyway…” Sure, it’s cool being around someone who can carry a conversation during those times when you just don’t feel like it but not ALL THE TIME! Fast forward a few months or even a few years and the constant jabbering will wear on you. It doesn’t matter how attractive they are or how well you connect in more intimate settings, if you don’t feel heard then resentment will build.
4. “I can’t believe you think that way.” Wow! Really? Even after talking about touchy subjects like politics, spirituality, marital intentions, money woes and even whether or not you prefer chunky over creamy peanut butter…they still act all surprised that you don’t believe exactly the same way they do? Were you spilling your guts to the wall? Quite possibly.
5. “Oh, I didn’t tell you about that/them/him/her?” If someone just casually mentions events or people from either their past or current life and you have no idea what or who they are talking about odds are they don’t respect or trust enough to fully include you in their life all the way. It could also mean that they are looking for a way to get you to move on as well and this should be taken as a sign that you are being sold a bill of goods and the seller will not or does not want to commit to you alone. Or…they’re a convicted felon fleeing from the law.
Signs, signs, everywhere are signs...
Number 1 and 2 are both deal breakers for me because they paint a picture of a self-centered person that most likely will find fault constantly while tallying up a bill of how much they think you “owe” them and 5 is rude with a potential side order of an episode of COPS. Rigid people rarely change and hanging around waiting for them to change because you are such a loving and kind person is just a pipe dream so get over it! They are the way they are because it works for them and they don’t care what works for you. You won’t be asked what you want because the answer will most likely be contrary to what they believe and even if you tell them they will counter with a Number 4 followed by a quick Number 3 and then raise you a Number 1 just for good measure to totally crush your self-esteem. Put ya back in your place now didn’t they? Booyah!
Folks, all I ask is that you please open your eyes in the beginning to look past those rose-colored relationship glasses so you can really see who you are dealing with. If someone tries to make you feel uncertain about yourself and casts aspersions on things you once enjoyed and believed in, then view that as the true sign of how things will play out should you stay in a relationship with them. Don’t settle for less than you deserve and don’t give up your own identity in deference to someone who has no apparent concern about what you want let alone the importance of what you may be giving up.
People actually DO show us who they really are pretty quickly after meeting. It may not be distinctly verbalized or spelled out as neatly as we’d like but the signs are there and it’s up to us to pay attention each time we get run over by their true colors. If something seems off in their proclaimed “innocent” back handed comments…trust it! You are cautioned to look both ways before crossing a road right? Think of relationships in the same manner. They are like a road with constant traffic and some of the cars have their lights on and are obeying the rules but others refuse to submit to an inspection to make sure they are working properly. These are the “cars” you do not want to buy so test drive them first, kick the tires and if they don’t pass then walk on by.
Have a relationship issue you need some help with?
Ask Elle!
All questions will remain confidential and anonymous unless you wanna share!