check me crying at 10am this morning thanks to a certain someone breaking my heart.
i am so lost, I’m going to take some pain killers and sleep…. see what happens i guess.
i think the worst part of this is i have no one to talk to…… i can’t talk to anyone about this…..
it hurts so much and i can’t take the pain
all for now
peace
So I have finally realized what an idiot I am.
I fell in love with someone that is emotionally unavailable and does not like being who they are.
She made me feel so good about myself and now she finally did it.
I am so broken inside, I just want this all to be over, I don’t want to hurt like this anymore. I know she gets off on me feeling like this. So I am done with this all.
I want a girl that will love me for me and is not afraid to be gay. I want someone that will be themselves and not lie to my face. I want someone to want to be with me.
I wish everyone involved in this the best of luck, and maybe we’ll see each other again. but for now… I’m out
all for now
peace
I’m sick of defending myself and my feelings…
all for now
peace
I have my computer to play random music while I’m getting ready and this song has come on three times in a matter of an hour. it has to be luck i think
Cheap Trick “I Want You to Want Me”
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.Ill shine up the old brown shoes,
put on a brand-new shirt.
Ill get home early from work
if you say that you love me.Didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend,
you know you feel like dyin.
Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.Ill shine up the old brown shoes,
put on a brand-new shirt.
Ill get home early from work
if you say that you love me.Didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend,
you know you feel like dyin.Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend,
you know you feel like dyin.
Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me
all for now
peace
I have officially had my fill, i have never been so hurt and humiliated by someone that i care so much for in my entire life
Here’s the whole story, you tell me what you think:
Went to the girl’s tonight, we weren’t supposed to do anything at all, but we ended up going to a friend of L’s house and playing beer pong. The whole time the girl is playing text messages on her cell phone and then asks L to borrow her cell to call her ex. Ok, it makes me a little mad but i try hard not to show it because “i love her.” So everyone goes outside to smoke, me being the recent quitter i need to go and breathe it all in so i don’t smoke. When we come back in the girl is sitting in the same spot, playing with her phone. L, knowing how upset i am about the whole situation, tries to make light of everything by telling me to kiss her friend. No offence to the friend, but I’ve been in love with the girl since day one, so i backed away and said “I’m good”
What happened next still pisses me off. On the car ride home the girl tells me i should kiss whoever i want to kiss. Which is her. So then later she tells me that i did not prove my love for her by saying to no to this friend chick when everyone was saying “make out.” Um, proof of love? i have my Japanese friend writing out the best way to write your name in Japanese so i can get it tattooed on my wrist. I have been slacking at work because i keep thinking about her. I can’t stop thinking about her, ever and I know how much that sucks because all she does is think about her ex. So then she says “i was going to invite you this weekend, but now, not anymore.” Um, I invited you to meet my grandmother and have dinner and i wanted to introduce you as my girlfriend for the first time to a family member. I wanted to spend my life with you after only a few days of a relationship. I’m not the one that changed midway thru a week and then said “i still want to be with you because I can’t go without thinking about you.”
So I have finally had it, i got up and left, and cried the entire way home
like the past three nights, I’m going to overdose on some NyQuil and cry myself to sleep.
Someone explain to me what more i could have done to let her know how i felt. I don’t actually even care if she reads this I’m so upset with myself for going thru this whole event. Don’t’ get me wrong, i have never been in love like i am in love with her, but i cant take that.
all for now
peace
this isn’t to anyone i just like the song
AFI “Miss Murder”
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?whoa-oh-ohh
With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him.
Simply a look can break your heart.
The stars that pierce the sky;
He left them all behind.
Were left to wonder why
He left us all behind.Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?whoa-oh-ohh(ohh)
Dreams of his crash wont pass
Or how they all adored him.
Beauty will last when spiraled down.
The stars that mystify
He left them all behind.
And how his children cry
He left us all behind.Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?whoa-oh-ohh
What’s the rift that twists
within this furthest mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it.
At the cost of love your ray of light
Will fizzle out without hope.
When the empty sand just flowing through our empty skin,
And we’re searching for what we were promised.
Reaching for the cold and rain we never let go
,They won’t ever let us blow our filthy hands apart.Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?whoa-oh-ohh
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh
all for now
peace
So I stop into work today to pick up a few things and drop something off for someone. The girl at the desk who is awesome, tells me that the managers pulled her aside and said that we were fighting on Thursday night.
Wait, what? Um, definitely not.
She’s cool, why would i fight with her? I called her this weekend to tell her some good news i got. I don’t understand gold’s anymore. Ever since we moved everything has gone downhill. Everyone is meaner, more elitist… its quite nerve racking…
On the good news… i got some fireworks… that statement has nothing to do with the previous by the way…
all for now
peace
so its like 4 in the morning, and i keep waking up reaching for someone that isn’t there, and then crying hysterically when i realize they’re not there.
i have never been so lost in my life… i don’t know where i am or what to do..
all for now
peace
Ne-Yo “So Sick”
Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I’m alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can’t come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it’s the only way I hear your voice anymore(it’s ridiculous)
It’s been months
And for some reason I just(can’t get over us)
And I’m stronger than this(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I’m so over being blue
Cryin over youAnd I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio?Gotta fix that calender I have
That’s marked July 15th
Because since there’s no more you
There’s no more anniversary
I’m so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to beThat’s the reason I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio?(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I’m letting go
Turning off the radioCuz I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio?
(why can’t I turn off the radio?)
Said I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio?(why can’t I turn off the radio?)
And I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin’ you were still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can’t I turn off the radio?(why can’t I turn off the radio?)all for now
peace
So I was seeing this girl, yea she was a girl, and I was in love with her
When I was with her I never felt happier. Then we started having problems. She was distant, so I got depressed. Turns out she was distant because she was still in love with her ex. But she still wanted to see me and she still “loved” me.
GREAT!!! I TOTALLY KNEW IT!!!!!! (Read a previous blog)
So I’m driving home tonight from her house, where she broke up with me, and a friend of hers calls seeing if I’m alright. She finds out her friend called and now tells me that there is no chance she will ever want to be with me again because a friend of hers was talking to me
Um, wait, what?
Who’s a psycho? turns out me, because I was in love with her. I don’t get how people can say they love you one minute and blow you off in a heartbeat the next.
Someone needs to explain this whole thing to me, because my broken heart can’t stand more pain.
all for now
peace